Sitting in rooms with leaders and subject matter experts, I’ve been thinking about permission lately.
Not the kind that comes from a boss, or whoever we may outsource permission to from time-to-time.
The quieter kind. The kind that possesses and expresses our power in the realist and most practical way possible. The kind we unknowingly wait to give ourselves. Or deprive ourselves of.
It’s a curious thing.
Most of us would never admit we’re waiting for permission. We describe it differently.
- “I’m just not ready.”
- “I need a little more experience.”
- “I’ll wait until things settle down.”
- “I need to be more confident.”
They sound like practical observations; and of course, sometimes they are.
More frequently though, they’re something else entirely. Something that creates very real discomfort in the vast majority of us.
I’ve come to know that waiting isn’t always about timing. It’s also not about ability. It’s most definitely not about readiness. For most of the things that matter and that bring you real growth, you won’t be ready. Practically, how could you be? That’s literally the reason why the expression ‘a leap of faith’ exists.
It’s about authority. Your authority. YOUR OWN AUTHORITY. The authority that is so uniquely yours, its proprietary. Not the authority you’ve tucked away in other people and only lend from time to time.
Who have you given the authority to decide whether you’re ready?
For years, I thought confidence came before action.
I imagined that one day I’d wake up and simply know.
- Know it was time.
- Know I was capable.
- Know I wouldn’t fail.
And when I’ve travelled paths that are well trodden, there was some truth to this assumption.
Traveling a path less taken, Life has CONSISTENTLY taught me otherwise.
I’ve discovered that confidence is rarely the beginning of the story.
It’s what grows after we’ve had the courage to take a step while still uncertain.
That isn’t blind courage.
It’s trust.
Not trust that everything will unfold exactly as we’d hoped. Thats a guarantee. And life does not come with T&C’s that offers guarantees.
It is the trust that we will remain in relationship with ourselves whatever unfolds.
The faith that whatever happens, it will be for the benefit of me, however difficult it may be. The faith that I will be ok regardless.
That distinction has changed EVERYTHING for me.
There was a time when almost every significant decision I made was quietly handed over to some or other committee in my head..
The committee of expectations … sometimes very nebulous expectations at that.
The committee of practicality, otherwise known as self-gaslighting and criticising.
The committee of “What will people think?”
The committee of “Don’t be ridiculous.”
The committee of “Who do you think you are?”
They all had a vote. A veto vote nogal. Any and every single one of them.
Curiously, the only voice that didn’t vote was my own.
It might speak, but it squeaked or whispered. It did not advocate. And did not cast a ballot.
I had simply become very good at overruling it. Often, completely dismissing it.
I’ve noticed this in coaching too.
Rarely do people struggle because they don’t know. They know.
More often they struggle because they don’t trust what they already know.
There’s a quiet wisdom that lives beneath all the noise.
It isn’t loud.
It doesn’t argue.
It doesn’t insist.
It simply waits.
Reflection has taught me that this voice deserves more than an occasional hearing.
It deserves a seat at the table, not because it is always right. But because it is the only voice that has to live with the life we choose.
Perhaps this is what self-leadership really is.
Not having all the answers.
Not silencing doubt.
Not eliminating fear.
It’s learning who gets to cast the deciding vote.
For much of my life, I thought permission was something I was waiting to receive. I understood choice, But it NEVER OCCURRED to me that permission was something I gave myself. Eisch .. conditioning and programming is a strange thing.
Now I’ve come to understand that permission is something we practise.
When we honour a boundary;
When we tell the truth;
When we disappoint someone else rather than betray ourselves;
When we trust a quiet knowing that hasn’t yet collected enough evidence to satisfy the mind;
When we take up space and allow ourselves to be seen.
That’s not recklessness. It’s vulnerable. It’s leadership; not of others, but of ourselves.
And perhaps that’s the deepest Inner Promotion of all.
Not becoming someone new.
Becoming someone whose own voice finally carries the greatest authority.
Self-leadership is always about deciding who gets the veto vote.
Three Small Shifts
Belong
Notice one decision you’ve postponed because you’re waiting to feel more ready. Ask yourself whose approval you’re really waiting for.
Lead
Before making your next meaningful decision, pause and ask: “If every opinion mattered equally, what do I already know?”
Contribute
Honour one quiet knowing this week without waiting for more certainty. Let one small action become your vote of confidence in yourself.