Some relationships are grounding and life-giving. Others leave you spinning—questioning your worth, your voice, and your safety to be seen.
But here’s the truth: all relationships are classrooms. And the most difficult ones often reveal the parts of ourselves we’ve hidden, disowned, or handed over for approval.
“The people who trigger us the most are often our greatest teachers.”
Taryn Sydow
Thriving in challenging relationships isn’t about fixing the other person. It’s about returning to yourself.
The relationships we are in with others give us clues to the relationship we are in with ourselves. The difficult ones are the very ones we generally want to escape. Yet, they’re the ones rich with hidden value. And, even if we do escape, we must not lose the gems. Each rupture, each uncomfortable conversation, each misunderstood silence—it’s all information. It’s all invitation.
This is not about perfection in relationships. It’s about presence. Not performance, but power. Not people-pleasing, but peace. It’s about returning to yourself.
It’s about cultivating the capacity to stay rooted, resourced, and real—even when the dynamic is disorienting. It’s also about remembering that relationships—especially the ones that make us want to set our hair on fire—often hold the exact keys to our power, our purpose, and our presence.
“Relationships are not obstacles to your growth. They are the gym in which you grow.”
Safiyyah Boolay-Jappie
What Makes a Relationship Challenging?
- When boundaries are blurry or violated
- When communication loops are closed or weaponised
- When you walk away feeling smaller, confused, or compressed
- When the relationship is built on obligation, performance, or fear
Often, we try to manage these relationships through hyper-functioning, people-pleasing, withdrawing, or controlling. But true thriving doesn’t come from managing others. It comes from managing our own inner landscape.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose.”
Viktor Frankl
The Self That Thrives
Thriving means staying connected to yourself—especially in spaces where that connection has historically been threatened.
It means asking:
- Can I stay honest, even if it disappoints?
- Can I feel my anger without lashing out or shutting down?
- Can I stand in truth without collapsing into guilt or shame?
“Your triggers are messengers. They’re pointing to what still needs love.”
Safiyyah Boolay-Jappie
What Thriving Is Not
- It’s not enduring abuse.
- It’s not bypassing conflict.
- It’s not tolerating what’s intolerable.
- It’s not staying silent to keep the peace.
“Peace that costs your voice is not peace—it’s compliance.”
Unknown
The Power of Inner Grounding
Thriving happens when you no longer hand over your emotional weather to someone else’s storm.
It’s learning to self-soothe.
To feel without flooding.
To stand firm without stonewalling.
To be in relationship without abandoning yourself.
“I will not abandon myself just to be accepted by you.”
Young Pueblo
Small Shifts for Big Magic
- Check in with your body before responding.
Your body often knows before your mind catches up. - Rehearse hard conversations in safe spaces.
Practice helps build self-trust. - Give yourself permission to pause.
You don’t have to respond in real-time. - Name what you feel, not just what you think.
This builds emotional fluency. - Use “I” language instead of blame.
Take ownership of your experience. - Set boundaries that honour your energy.
Repeat as often as needed—with kindness and clarity. - Let go of the need to be understood.
Sometimes thriving means being misunderstood and okay with it. - Build a relationship with your inner protector.
Let them speak—but not drive. - Offer yourself the validation you long for.
What do you wish they’d say? Say it to yourself first. - Ask: Who am I in this relationship, and who do I choose to be?
“You get to be the safe space you never had.” – Safiyyah Boolay-Jappie
You Are the Alchemist – Final Days to Register!
If challenging relationships have triggered cycles of self-abandonment, shame, or people-pleasing—You Are the Alchemist is your portal to something new.
We begin 28 June, and there are only a few days left to claim your place.
This experience will support you to:
- Alchemise shame into sovereignty
- Speak to yourself with clarity and compassion
- Break old relational patterns
- Restore your power from within
Register here: https://madeforsomuchmore.my.canva.site/you-are-the-alchemist-june-2025
Book Your Power Pause
Need clarity about a relationship, decision, or pattern?
Book a free 60-minute Power Pause Session to reconnect to your own voice.
📍 https://tidycal.com/safiyyah/your-power-pause
📚 Booklist for Relational Healing
- Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
- The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
- Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Playlist for Inner Anchoring
- “Good Thing” – Zedd, Kehlani
- “Unstoppable” – Sia
- “Let It Go” – James Bay
- “Try” – Colbie Caillat
“Brave” – Sara Bareilles