There’s a quiet exhaustion that comes from constantly trying to be what others need. It shows up in the form of over-apologising, over-delivering, saying “yes” when your body screams “no,” and feeling guilty when you finally claim some time for yourself.
“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”
Paulo Coelho
People-pleasing isn’t just about being kind or generous. It’s about safety. It’s about approval. It’s about belonging. And for many of us, especially those raised to be “the good girl” or taught to earn our worth through performance, it becomes a way of life.
But there comes a time—maybe you’re feeling it now—when the cost becomes too high. When your body starts to revolt. When your spirit gets tired of not being seen. When your desires feel buried under other people’s needs.
“Don’t trade your authenticity for approval.”
Unknown
Authenticity isn’t loud. It doesn’t mean telling people off or burning every bridge. It begins in the small moments when you choose to tell the truth—to yourself first. It looks like pausing before responding. Saying “I’ll get back to you” instead of a rushed yes. It’s allowing silence. It’s learning to sit with the discomfort of disappointing others in service of no longer disappointing yourself.
You are allowed to exist without constant explanation. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to be loved for who you truly are, not the version of you that makes everyone else comfortable.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”
Brené Brown
This week, consider where in your relationships you’re abandoning yourself in order to keep the peace.
Let’s also pause to name something rarely spoken but deeply felt: the difference between belonging and fitting in.
Fitting in is a performance. It demands adaptation. It asks you to tuck away your truth and smooth out your edges to gain proximity and approval. In contrast, belonging is the deep exhale of being fully seen and fully safe—without needing to edit or earn it.
Here’s the tragedy: many of us crave belonging, but we’ve been trained to settle for fitting in.
Eventually, all of our relationships play out on the backdrop of this fracture. We project our hunger for acceptance outward, even as we secretly fear that who we truly are is too much, too messy, too inconvenient. The irony is painful: in trying to belong, we become further estranged from the very self that wants to be loved.
But the quest is still belonging. The return is still possible. And authenticity is the path that takes us home.
And gently, lovingly, begin the return home.. And gently, lovingly, begin the return home.
If you’re ready to gently reclaim your time, your voice, and your truth, I invite you to book a complimentary Power Pause session with me. It’s a nourishing 20-minute space to exhale, reflect, and explore what your next aligned step might be. You can book your session here.
SMALL SHIFTS FOR BIG MAGIC
Say Yes to Yourself First
Quote: “You can’t serve from an empty vessel.” – Eleanor Brownn
Shift: Before saying yes, ask: “What do I need right now?”
Pause Before You People-Please
Quote: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space.” – Viktor Frankl
Shift: Take three breaths before responding to a request.
Let Silence Be Okay
Quote: “Silence is sometimes the best answer.” – Dalai Lama
Shift: Practice not filling the space when you feel discomfort.
Practice Micro-Honesty
Quote: “Telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” – George Orwell
Shift: Share small honest thoughts where you’d usually shrink or over-agree.
Acknowledge Your Needs Without Guilt
Quote: “Your needs matter because you matter.” – Unknown
Shift: Write down one need each day and allow yourself to meet it.
Let Go of the ‘Good Girl’ Badge
Quote: “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Shift: Reflect on one way you’ve performed goodness at your own expense.
Speak to Your Inner Child
Quote: “The child within you deserves to be heard.” – Safiyyah Boolay-Jappie
Shift: Ask her what she’s afraid will happen if you stop pleasing. Then comfort her.
Shift from Apology to Appreciation
Quote: “Replace ‘sorry’ with ‘thank you’.” – Unknown
Shift: Say “Thank you for waiting” instead of “Sorry I’m late.”
Track Your Body’s Truth
Quote: “Your body whispers before it screams.” – Unknown
Shift: Notice how your body feels after you say yes. Was it truth or obligation?
Celebrate Authentic Wins
Quote: “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be.” – Brené Brown
Shift: Each night, name one moment you stayed true to yourself.
BOOK RECOMMENDATION
“Untamed” by Glennon Doyle – A powerful invitation to trust yourself and break free from people-pleasing patterns.
PLAYLIST
Songs for Becoming More You
“Who You Are” – Jessie J
“Brave” – Sara Bareilles
“Unwritten” – Natasha Bedingfield
“Girl on Fire” – Alicia Keys
“King” – Florence + the Machine