There’s a particular kind of over-functioning that doesn’t come from softness—but from sharpness. From fire. From precision. From the refusal to let things fall through the cracks.
You might not identify as a deeply empathetic or sensitive person. You may not cry easily or be described as emotionally tender. But you do care.
Deeply.
Some of us care by nurturing. Some of us care by protecting. Some of us care by executing with excellence and refusing to let things fail.
You might care by staying up late to fix what no one else noticed was broken. You might care by holding high standards. You might care by carrying responsibility on your back so others don’t have to.
“Empathy is not yours to weaponise against yourself.”
– Safiyyah Boolay-Jappie
You care about excellence. About responsibility. About impact. About the people or projects that count on you. You care about doing things right. About not letting others down—especially when reputations or legacies are on the line.
“Stop shrinking to fit spaces you’ve outgrown.”
– Unknown
“Being responsible for yourself is not selfish. It’s sacred.”
– Nedra Glover Tawwab
For some of us, this deep caring doesn’t look like softness. It looks like tension.
High-functioning. High-strung. High-responsibility.
And sometimes, that caring tips into over-functioning.
What Is Over-Functioning?
Over-functioning is when you do more than your share—emotionally, mentally, logistically—in relationships, work, or life. It’s when you:
- Anticipate what could go wrong before it does
- Pick up the slack without being asked
- Feel solely responsible for results and reputation
- Don’t stop until the job is done—perfectly
For many high-achievers, over-functioning is less about emotional enmeshment and more about identity.
“You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”
– Unknown
You’ve probably been praised for being strong. For making it work. For doing whatever it takes.
But over time, this strategy begins to erode you from within. Because somewhere in all that excellence, you disappear.
The Line Between Integrity and Self-Abandonment
Caring deeply about outcomes, projects, people—it matters. But when your drive turns into displacement, something is off.
It’s not just empathy that can tip us into over-functioning. It’s the survival reflex to avoid failure. The pressure to uphold image. The fear of what might collapse if you stop holding everything up.
“If you don’t choose your boundaries, your burnout will.”
– Unknown
Over-functioning may look like loyalty. Like leadership. Like responsibility.
But internally, it can feel like quiet panic.
Self-Compassion Is the Way Back
Here’s the truth: Over-functioning is not a character flaw. It’s a coping pattern. One that was born out of necessity.
You learnt to move quickly. To take charge. To protect what matters by controlling what you can.
But you’re allowed to outgrow that.
“You cannot heal the world if you keep abandoning yourself.”
– Lalah Delia
Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting go of high standards. It means letting go of the belief that your value is on the line every time you deliver.
It means asking: Can I still care deeply and honour myself in the process?
Boundaries Aren’t Cold. They’re Clarity.
Boundaries are not a rejection of others or outcomes. They are a remembrance of self.
They are the container that allows your care to remain sustainable.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brené Brown
Without boundaries, your care turns into control.
With boundaries, your care becomes clear—and mutual.
You are allowed to be a person, not just a producer.
You are allowed to pause. To rest. To step back.
You Are the Alchemist: 3 Spots Left
If you’re starting to see that your over-functioning has come at the cost of your aliveness—You Are the Alchemist is where we begin to turn that around.
We begin 28 June. There are just 3 spots left.
This isn’t a workshop. It’s a shift. A rewiring. A homecoming.
🔮 Step into your alchemy: https://madeforsomuchmore.my.canva.site/you-are-the-alchemist-june-2025
🌸 Book Your Power Pause
You don’t need to earn stillness.
You don’t need to crash before you rest.
You’re allowed to step off the treadmill—even briefly.
Book your free 1:1 Power Pause. 50 minutes. Just for you.
📍 https://tidycal.com/safiyyah/your-power-pause
Quotes to Anchor the Shift
“Stop shrinking to fit spaces you’ve outgrown.” – Unknown
“Empathy is not yours to weaponise against yourself.” – Safiyyah Boolay-Jappie
“You cannot heal the world if you keep abandoning yourself.” – Lalah Delia
“If you don’t choose your boundaries, your burnout will.” – Unknown
“Being responsible for yourself is not selfish. It’s sacred.” – Nedra Glover Tawwab
Booklist for the Over-Functioner
- The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
- Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
- Radical Compassion by Tara Brach
- Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Playlist for the Gentle Reclaiming
- “I Am Light” – India Arie
- “This Is Me” – Keala Settle
- “Rise” – Solange
- “Woman” – Nao ft. Lianne La Havas
- “Slow Up” – Jacob Banks
YouTube for Healing & Boundaries