There is a moment. A tiny pause. A fraction of a second that most of us miss. In that moment lives the difference between a reaction that derails us and a response that restores us. This is the place, that precious space of Power.
Reactions are fast. Hot. Automatic. Atomic.
They come from the nervous system, not the truth of who we are.
Responses, by contrast, are grounded. Conscious. Chosen. They come from the part of us that remembers our values, our intentions, and our power. The results we seek and the impact we desire.
Most of us were never taught how to find that space between the trigger and the choice. We grew up mastering survival. We learned how to react. We learned how to defend, retreat, submit, perform, or explode. We learned how to protect ourselves. And we learned to do it quickly.
Responding? That is an art. It asks us to slow down. To listen inward. To honour what is happening inside before we decide what to do outside.
This is grace in motion.
When Reactions Go Atomic
Reactivity is not a flaw. It is simply a nervous system doing its job. But it can feel explosive. Yesterday, a client used the word atomic to describe his anger, and it struck me how accurate that is. Some reactions feel like live wires waiting for the smallest spark. Others feel like bombs we carry quietly.
This is not to invalidate the information that arises in the moment. Reactions reveal important truth about our needs, our wounds, and our history, and our expectations. But the reaction alone does not always create coherence between our desires, our experiences, our impact, and the results we actually want.
Reactivity often shows up in ways that leave us feeling ashamed, overwhelmed, or disconnected.
Reactivity is not a flaw. It is a nervous system doing its job. But it often shows up in ways that leave us feeling ashamed, overwhelmed, or disconnected.
It might sound like:
- Snapping at someone you love because you feel cornered.
- Shutting down in a meeting because the pressure feels unbearable.
- Overexplaining or apologising to stay safe.
- Spiralling into worst case scenarios before you even realise it.
- Saying yes when your entire body is begging for a no.
Reactivity happens when the body perceives a threat. Even emotional threats. Even imagined threats.
You are not weak for reacting. You are human.
Responding is a Practice of Power
Responding is not about being calm. It is about being conscious. It is about choosing rather than collapsing into old patterns.
When you respond, you:
- Remember that you have options.
- Honour your values instead of your fears.
- Stay connected to yourself, even under stress.
- Choose the path that aligns with who you are becoming.
Responding is an act of self-leadership. It is the moment you turn toward yourself rather than away from yourself.
Finding the Sacred Pause
The pause is where your power lives. It does not have to be long. It can be one slow breath. One moment of hand on heart. One grounding question.
As Viktor Frankl wrote, between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Responding is not possible without presence. Presence is the prerequisite for choicefulness, and choicefulness is the prerequisite for power. When you respond, you honour your values, your intention, and the impact you actually want to have. You act from alignment instead of agitation.
Aligned behaviour requires judiciousness. It asks:
- What matters most here?
- Who am I choosing to be?
- What outcome do I want beyond this moment?
To respond, you need to know yourself. This means becoming familiar with your own reactions. For example, my almost immediate response to someone telling me what to do is resistance. It feels like a wall rising inside me. When that wall comes up, I cannot hear the value in what the person is saying. I know this wall well, and I am learning to slow things down so that the wall has a door, and I can walk through instead of crash into it.
This is the heart of responding. And it shows up in the quirkiest ways. A recognising it, helps you to master it.
Some of my own reactions are downright silly when I think about them.
- For example, the immediate awkwardness I feel when someone says something nice about me to me. Unless I gather myself, what follows is blabbering gobbledygook. Compliments turn me into a malfunctioning robot.
- Another one is when I want to say yes to an offer or to an invitation, but I cannot access the permission to be indulged, supported, helped, or served. A simple yes feels like a luxury I have not earned. That I don’t deserve. My whole nervous system freezes like someone asked me to sign for a million rand parcel.
- And when I am confused and someone asks me a question, I experience tumbleweed. Actual tumbleweed. My brain shuts down. My words hide in obscure corners of my mind and refuse to come out. I could win an award for the speed at which my mind goes blank.
I know these are my reaction patterns. Awareness gives me the potential for creation.
We all have these patterns. They are human. They are often funny. Maybe embarrassing, and frustrating. Sometimes they are outright frightening.
AND they are universal.
- Which ones do you recognise in yourself?
- The compliment scramble.
- The freeze when someone offers help.
- The tumbleweed shutdown.
- The overapologising.
- The urge to escape.
Whatever your version is, you are in good company.
We all react. Internal safety. The rituals that signal to your body that you are not under threat. The breath. The pause. The grounding. The questions that bring you back into yourself instead of losing yourself.
You do not need to be perfectly regulated to respond. You only need enough space to remember who you are.
Some ways to access the pause include:
- Take one slow inhale and one slower exhale.
- Notice your feet on the ground.
- Place a hand on your chest or belly.
- Ask yourself, what is actually happening right now.
- Ask yourself, what do I need in this moment.
- Ask yourself, what choice will I be proud of later.
The pause is your doorway back to self-trust.
Why We React Instead of Respond
For many of us, reacting was what kept us safe. It was how we avoided conflict, earned approval, or stayed invisible. It was how we kept the peace. It was how we adapted.
Your reactions are not personal failures. They are survival strategies you outgrew.
People who were raised in environments where emotional safety was inconsistent often live in a constant state of emotional scanning. Always prepared. Always alert. Always managing potential threat.
This does not make you reactive. It makes you a survivor.
But healing invites you into a new pattern. One where survival is not the only option.
Responding is not about perfection. It is about possibility.
What Responding Sounds Like
Responding does not mean being soft or quiet or compliant. Responding can sound powerful. Clear. Honest.
It might sound like:
- I need a moment to think before I answer.
- I hear you. This is what I need.
- This does not work for me.
- I feel overwhelmed. I will come back to this later.
- I am choosing not to engage with this right now.
- My answer is no.
Responding honours both your truth and your boundaries.
From Reactivity to Responsibility
Responsibility is not about blame. It is about ownership. It is the decision to lead yourself, even in hard moments.
When you shift from reacting to responding, you reclaim yourself. You reclaim your power. You reclaim your presence.
This is where transformation begins.
3 Small Shifts for Big Magic
- Name the Pattern: When you feel yourself reacting, label it with kindness. Say quietly, I am activated, not wrong.
- Choose One New Response: Pick one moment [in advance] each day to pause before reacting. One moment is enough.
- Celebrate the Smallest Win: When you respond instead of react, even once, acknowledge it. This is how new patterns take root. I know this can feel awkward. That too is a reaction.
Reading List
- Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine Pittman and Elizabeth Karle
- The Power of Pause by Terry Hershey
- The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
- Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
Ready to Go Deeper into Self-Love
If this blog resonates with you, there are two next steps that will support your journey back to yourself.
1. The Self-Love Reset
A 90 minute deep-dive for high achieving women who are tired of doing more, giving more, proving more. If you want to understand why over-functioning keeps you stuck and how to soften into a life led by self-trust, join me here:
https://madeforsomuchmore.my.canva.site/the-self-love-reset
2. The Self-Love Temperature Check
A gentle, insightful reflection tool that helps you understand where you are in your self-love journey. No judgement. No pressure. Just clarity.
https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/689783/170893843219088716/share
These two resources pair beautifully with today’s theme, because learning to respond instead of react is ultimately an act of self-love, nervous system safety, and sovereignty.