Small Shifts for Magical Confidence

Confidence is complex. We all want it, but very few of us can actually pinpoint what precisely it is that we want when referring to confidence. It often comes across as some elusive quality reserved for the effortlessly charismatic and endlessly competent.

Yet, Confidence is not about never feeling afraid, doubting yourself, or facing moments of hesitation. In fact, confidence is about managing your anxiety in the face of uncertainty and risk, standing steady when the ground feels shaky, and deciding—over and over—that you’re willing to move forward anyway.  

True confidence is a relationship. It’s how you treat yourself in those moments of doubt. It’s about whether you choose to be kind to yourself or critical. And it’s deeply rooted in inner safety: Do you trust yourself enough to handle what comes next, even if it’s messy, imperfect, or unknown?  

Is confidence worth the effort?

We need confidence because it’s the bridge between where we are and where we dream of going. It is the permission slip to explore life beyond the expected. It’s what empowers you to:

  • Live fully. Confidence lets you claim your desires unapologetically and redefine success on your own terms.
  • Embrace growth. Confidence fuels your courage to try, fail, learn, and try again.
  • Navigate uncertainty. It anchors you as you step into the unknown.

You don’t have to be perfect to be amazing

What Confidence Is (And Isn’t):

A Deep Dive Into Self-Trust and Inner Safety

Confidence isn’t a mask, or a loud declaration, nor is it simply knowing what you’re doing. It’s a quiet, resilient trust in yourself—the kind that allows you to walk into uncertainty and still believe you’ll be okay. At its essence, confidence is the reflection of your relationship with yourself: how deeply you trust, love, and honour who you are, even when the ground beneath you shifts.

What Confidence IS
  1. Vulnerability in Action: Confidence isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to act despite it.
  2. Inner Safety: Feeling secure in yourself, even when external circumstances are shaky.
  3. Self-Trust: Knowing you have your own back, no matter what happens.
  4. Growth-Oriented: Seeing challenges as opportunities to evolve rather than threats to your worth.
  5. Authenticity: Showing up as your true self without needing to prove anything.
What Confidence IS NOT
  1. Perfection: Confidence doesn’t mean you never make mistakes.
  2. Competence Alone: While skills and achievements can boost confidence, relying solely on them creates fragility.
  3. Constant: Confidence naturally ebbs and flows, especially in unfamiliar situations.
  4. Comparison: It’s not about being better than others but about honoring your unique path.
  5. External Validation: Confidence rooted in others’ approval is fleeting.
The BIG Misunderstandings About Confidence

Confidence ≠ Competence:
Competence can be a wonderful source of confidence. Who doesn’t feel good about excelling at something? But there’s a catch: if your confidence depends solely on competence, it becomes fragile. You might avoid situations where you lack expertise, missing opportunities to grow. You may feel threatened when your context changes, like starting a new role or stepping into an unfamiliar space. Your identity may become entangled with what you do, leaving you unmoored when that role shifts.

Self-confidence, on the other hand, is an unattached belief in yourself. It’s not tied to what you achieve, but to who you are. It says, “I trust myself to figure it out, even if I don’t have all the answers.”

    Confidence Comes After Action, Not Before:
    Remember learning to drive? You probably weren’t confident the first time you got behind the wheel. Confidence came after practice, when you realised you could handle the road. Confidence isn’t a prerequisite for action—it’s the reward for showing up.

    Confidence Isn’t Constant: Even the most self-assured people have moments of doubt. Oprah has spoken about how nervous she felt launching her network, OWN. Confidence doesn’t mean eliminating doubt; it means trusting yourself to move forward despite it. It’s normal for confidence to wane in the face of the unknown.

      Confidence and Vulnerability: The Ultimate Power Couple

      Here’s the paradox: confidence isn’t about being invulnerable—it’s about being deeply, unapologetically vulnerable. When you allow yourself to feel fear, doubt, and even failure without spiralling into self-judgment, you’re practicing real confidence.  

      This is where perfectionism, self-doubt, and even imposter syndrome beckons us to to see ourselves in our vulnerabilities. They’re not mere obstacles to overcome. They’re footholds for confidence and for your own personal genius—because they force us to manage our anxieties, confront our limitations, practice kindness to ourselves, and grow.  

      They ask us to notice what our stories are and to explore the redirections needed to feel more empowered and to feel more confident. 

      Think about it:  

      • Perfectionism teaches you the value of self-compassion and to notice what is, rather than what is not yet. It wants you to notice determine what ‘good enough’ could mean for you. 
      • Self-doubt helps you assess your values and priorities and invites courage.
      • Imposter syndrome challenges you to redefine what “belonging” and “ready enough” means.  

      When we stop fighting these feelings and start working with them, we unlock a deeper, more sustainable kind of confidence. 

      At its heart, confidence is about love: love for yourself, for your journey, and for the person you’re becoming. It’s choosing to root your identity in who you are, not what you do.

      When you build confidence through self-love and self-trust, you open yourself to a life of freedom and possibility. You step beyond the limits of competence and into the expansive terrain of self-confidence—where growth can be sustained and magic unfolded. .

      How Confidence Is Built Inwardly

      Confidence begins with self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It’s about understanding your feelings, naming your fears, and recognising that setbacks aren’t personal—they’re just part of the process. Building confidence means cultivating patience with yourself, embracing self-compassion, and allowing yourself the space to grow.

      Building confidence is not about grand gestures or overnight transformations. It’s about small, deliberate shifts that accumulate into big magic.

      • A small shift: Speaking kindly to yourself after a mistake.
      • Big magic: Realizing you no longer fear failure because you know you’ll bounce back.
      • A small shift: Setting a boundary that feels uncomfortable but necessary.
      • Big magic: Feeling safer in your relationships because you trust yourself to honor your needs.

      Confidence grows alongside self-love and self-trust. These are cultivated through self-compassion—the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.

      Small Shifts, Big Magic – Here are five small shifts to get you started: 

      Your Invitation this Week:  

      1. Pause and Name the Fear holding you back and playing small  

      Instead of letting anxiety run the show, pause and name what you’re feeling: “I’m nervous because I care about this.” Naming it helps you separate the feeling from your identity. 

      2. Practice Self-Compassion

      When you mess up (and you will), speak to yourself like you’d speak to a friend. “It’s okay. This is part of learning.”  

      3. Reframe Imposter Syndrome

      Imposter syndrome doesn’t mean you are incompetent and don’t belong; it means you’re stretching into new territory. That discomfort is the very proof that you’re growing. 

      Remember and actively notice your successes. And Celebrate them even if your celebration is a high five to yourself in the mirror or a metaphorical pat on the back.  

      4. Take One Brave Action  

      Confidence doesn’t come before action—it comes after. Do the thing that scares you, even if it’s a small step. Often, I invite my clients to take the second or 5th or the 10th step. They are always confused by this. They can only take the first step, however small. And they realise how they judge themselves from the 10thstep not yet taken. 

      Always ask yourself what small action you can take; even if it is something internal that no one else can see and measure. These small steps add up. 

      More than taking no big steps.  

      5. Celebrate Progress 

      Stop waiting for the “big win” to feel proud of yourself. Every time you show up, take a step, or try again, you’re building your confidence muscle.  You’re also building your worthiness and deservingness muscles. 

      These muscles go toe-to-toe with your well-developed discounting and diminishing muscles. They need all the support and cheerleading you can summons. It seems trivial, but over time, this plays an enormous role in rightsizing your stories. 

      Reflection Questions for your Shift

      • What’s one small, brave action I can take today that feels aligned with an important goal, objective or intention I have?  
      • Where am I tethering my confidence to external outcomes?
      • How can I trust myself more deeply in this moment?
      • How can I offer myself more grace in this moment?  
      • What would I try if I knew I didn’t have to be perfect?  
      • Where am I confusing confidence with competence?  
      • How can I redefine this challenge as an opportunity for growth?  

      You’ve Got This!

      Ultimately, confidence isn’t about being unshakable or fearless. It’s about showing up for yourself, especially when you feel uncertain. Think about everything you’ve already navigated in life—the challenges you’ve faced, the risks you’ve taken, the moments you doubted yourself but kept going. That’s confidence in action.

      Remember: It’s natural for confidence to waver, especially when stepping into the unknown. But confidence, like self-love and self-trust, is a practice. Small shifts lead to big magic. Trust yourself—you’ve got this.

      You’ve got this. And if you need someone to remind you, I’m here.  

      Want to explore life beyond the exhaustion of People Pleasing, Perfectionism and general over-functioning?

      Feel free to book a complimentary coaching session to get clear on how you are haemorrhaging your energy

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