“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. – Viktor E. Frankl

Boundaries are the architecture of our lives, shaping where we begin and where others end. Over the past few weeks, we’ve explored what makes boundaries feel difficult and how they serve as acts of self-compassion and personal power. Now, let’s take it a step further—into the realm of yes and no. Because reclaiming your yes and your no is about more than decision-making. It’s about reclaiming yourself.

The Inner Games of Yes and No

Every yes and no carries an inner dynamic that either empowers us or strips us of our power. A reluctant/compliant yes, one given out of obligation or fear, often comes wrapped in a sigh, a complaint, or quiet resentment. It sounds like, “Fine, I guess I’ll do it,” or “I don’t have a choice, do I?” It keeps the peace externally but creates inner turmoil. A suppressed no, one swallowed to avoid discomfort or conflict, erodes our sense of self. But a conscious yes—one rooted in alignment—and a firm no—one delivered with clarity—reinforce our integrity and self-trust.
We often struggle with these decisions because we fear disappointing others, being perceived as selfish, or causing discomfort. Yet, every time we abandon our authentic yes or no, we hand over a little piece of our power.

If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself. – Cheryl Richardson

The Different Kinds of No

Not all no’s are the same. Some carry the weight of punishment, others are invitations to renegotiate. Some are clear, and others murky.
The Punishment No – A reactionary no, often delivered from frustration or control. It’s not about protecting boundaries but about asserting dominance or withholding something to make a point. “You didn’t do what I wanted, so now I won’t do this for you.”
The Negotiation No – A no that leaves the door open. “I can’t do that, but I can offer this instead.” It allows for conversation and mutual respect while still maintaining boundaries.
The Overexplained No – A no wrapped in a thousand justifications. It often signals guilt or the need for external validation. “I really wish I could, but I have so much going on, and I’m exhausted, and I feel bad, but…”
The Embodied No – A simple, clear, and firm no. No justification, no overexplaining, no guilt. Just: “No, that doesn’t work for me.”

The Power of “I Don’t Know” and “Maybe”

In a world that demands quick answers, there is immense power in giving yourself permission to not know. “I don’t know” creates space for curiosity and introspection. Instead of forcing an immediate yes or no, it allows you to check in with yourself first.
“Maybe” can be a stalling tactic when we’re afraid to say no. But it can also be an honest placeholder—a way to gather more information before committing. The key is using it with awareness, not avoidance.

The Dance Between Yes and No

Yes and no are not just choices; they are the choreography of self-definition. They determine the direction of our energy, time, and emotional resources. If we say yes too freely, we risk overextending ourselves, diluting our presence. If we default to no, we may shut out opportunities for growth and connection.
A well-balanced life is not about always saying no to preserve boundaries, nor about always saying yes to be open-hearted. It is about discernment—learning to say no without guilt and yes without resentment. This is where boundaries become a living, breathing practice rather than a rigid rulebook.

When Yes and No Get Confused with Responsibility

Our yes and no also reveal the extent to which we confuse our responsibilities with those of others. Are we saying yes because we feel responsible for other people’s happiness? Are we saying no because we feel it’s our job to shield others from discomfort?
Boundaries clarify what belongs to us and what does not. You are responsible for your choices, actions, and emotions. Others are responsible for theirs. When we blur these lines, we carry unnecessary burdens and strip others of their own agency.

How Much Are You Projecting?

A simple yes or no can reveal layers of projection. If we assume saying no will make someone angry, are we reacting to past experiences rather than the present moment? If we believe saying yes means we are weak, are we projecting our fears onto the request rather than assessing it as it is?
When we are self-aware, we recognise that at the root of every yes and no is an opportunity for deep listening—to ourselves, to our conditioning, and to the truth of the moment.

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. – Brené Brown

10 Small Shifts for Big Magic:

• Pause before responding—breathe, feel, and then choose.
• Replace “I have to” with “I choose to” and notice the shift in power.
• Practice saying no in front of a mirror until it feels natural.
• If it’s not a hell yes, consider it a no.
• Stop explaining—your no doesn’t need justification.
• Notice where guilt shows up—ask if it’s truly yours to carry.
• Flip the script: when someone tells you no, respect it without taking it personally.
• Check in with your body—does this yes feel expansive or constrictive?
• Make a list of what you’re saying yes to by saying no (e.g., “I’m saying no to overtime, so I can say yes to my family”).
• Give yourself permission to change your mind—your yes and no are not contracts with eternity.

Booklist for Further Exploration:

Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Nedra Glover Tawwab
The Power of No – James Altucher & Claudia Azula Altucher
Dare to Lead – Brené Brown
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less – Greg McKeown
Radical Acceptance – Tara Brach

Playlist for Reclaiming Your Power:

You Gotta Be – Des’ree
Brave – Sara Bareilles
Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
Unwritten – Natasha Bedingfield
Shake It Off – Taylor Swift

“A ‘no’ uttered from deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” – Mahatma Gandhi
Reclaiming your yes and no is a homecoming to yourself. May you choose powerfully, love yourself fiercely, and trust that every decision you make from a place of authenticity shapes the life you are meant to live.