Do you have Permission to Rest?

The Invisible Barrier to Rest

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to simply give yourself permission—to slow down, to say no, to take up space, or to rest? Even when no one is stopping us, an invisible force holds us back. That force is our own conditioning.

From childhood, we learn that permission comes from external sources—parents, teachers, bosses, or societal norms. Over time, this external authority becomes internalized, leaving us feeling as though we must still seek validation before making choices that support our well-being.

And when it comes to rest, the permission feels especially elusive.

In a world that glorifies busyness, productivity, and self-sacrifice, reclaiming the right to rest is a radical act. But why is it so hard? And how can we begin to dismantle the barriers that prevent us from giving ourselves permission?

Why Is It So Hard to Give Ourselves Permission?

Rest is not just about taking a break; it is about reclaiming our autonomy over our own well-being. Yet, we often feel as though we need permission to rest, not just from our bosses, families, and communities, but from ourselves.
The question we must ask is: Who taught us that rest is something we must earn?

The Invisible Gatekeepers of Rest

If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness. – Joyce Sunada

Society conditions us to believe that our worth is tied to our productivity. This belief is reinforced by:
Capitalist Grind Culture – Our economic system thrives on perpetual productivity. We are rewarded for output, not for presence or well-being. As Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry, states: “Rest is resistance.”

Generational Trauma and Work Ethic – Many of us carry inherited beliefs that rest is lazy. Our ancestors—whether working-class laborers, immigrants, or survivors—did not have the luxury of rest. Their survival required relentless effort. We internalised their struggle as a work ethic without recognising that their deepest wish for us was ease.

Gendered Expectations – Women, and particularly mothers, are expected to be selfless caretakers. Emotional labor is invisible yet exhausting. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, in Sacred Rest, explains how emotional and social exhaustion depletes us even when we are physically still.

Perfectionism and Self-Worth – The belief that we must be “good enough” to deserve rest fuels our over-functioning. As Alex Soojung-Kim Pang argues in Rest, we must unlearn the idea that success comes only from unceasing effort.

How We Withhold Permission From Ourselves

Even when external pressures lessen, we may still struggle to embrace rest. We tell ourselves:
“I’ll rest when I finish this project.” (And then another, and another…)
“I need to be useful.” (As if our existence alone isn’t enough.)
“Other people have it worse; I shouldn’t complain.” (Pain is not a competition.)

The truth? Rest is not indulgence. It is foundational.

These are some of the reasons we resist rest.

1. We Are Conditioned to Obey, Not to Choose

Many of us were raised in environments where obedience was praised, and independent decision-making was questioned or even punished. Whether it was the school system, strict parenting, or workplace dynamics, the message was clear: follow the rules, wait for approval, and don’t overstep. Over time, we internalised the belief that we need an external ‘yes’ before we can move forward, even in matters of personal care.

2. We Fear Consequences and Judgment

Giving ourselves permission often means stepping outside the lines of what is deemed ‘acceptable.’ We fear being perceived as lazy, uncommitted, or selfish. Women, in particular, face deep-rooted social expectations to be caregivers, nurturers, and high-achievers—often at the expense of their own well-being. Rest, for many, feels like a luxury rather than a right.

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” —Katharine Hepburn

3. We Have Internalised Scarcity and Worthiness Narratives

The belief that “there isn’t enough time” or “I haven’t done enough to deserve this” keeps us trapped in cycles of over-functioning. Rest becomes something we must earn rather than an inherent need. This scarcity mindset convinces us that pausing is irresponsible, even when exhaustion is knocking at our door.

4. We Mistake Rest for Passivity

Many of us equate rest with doing nothing, and doing nothing feels deeply uncomfortable in a world that equates busyness with value. However, true rest is an active choice—an act of care, resistance, and recalibration. It is not about disengaging from life, but about re-engaging with ourselves.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” —Anne Lamott

5. Our Nervous Systems Are Wired for Hyper-Vigilance

For those who have experienced trauma, burnout, or chronic stress, rest can feel unsafe. The nervous system becomes accustomed to a state of alertness, making stillness feel foreign and even anxiety-inducing. Learning to rest, in these cases, is not just about permission—it’s about retraining our bodies to feel safe in stillness.

The Wisdom of Rest: What the Experts Say

Rest is not just a nice-to-have; it’s essential for our physical, emotional, and cognitive well-being.
Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, in Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity, identifies seven types of rest: physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social, and spiritual. She emphasises that burnout isn’t just about doing too much—it’s about not getting the right kind of rest.
Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry and author of Rest is Resistance, teaches that rest is a form of resistance against grind culture. She reminds us: “Resting is not a privilege. Resting is our divine right.”
Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, in Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less, argues that deliberate rest is not the opposite of work, but rather an essential part of productivity and creativity.

Resting Without Guilt: A Mindset Shift

It’s not enough to know that rest is important—we have to unlearn the guilt that comes with it. Permission for rest simply won’t come from the outside. We must grant it to ourselves. Here’s how:

Dismantle the Beliefs That Keep You From Resting. Ask yourself:
Who benefits from my exhaustion?
What do I fear will happen if I slow down?
What story about rest do I need to rewrite?
Redefine Productivity: Productivity isn’t about doing more; it’s about doing what matters. When we rest, we make better decisions, solve problems more effectively, and show up as better versions of ourselves.
Recognise Rest as an Act of Self-Trust: When you allow yourself to rest, you are telling yourself: I trust that I am enough even when I’m not doing. I trust that the world will keep turning if I pause.
Set Boundaries Around Your Rest: Rest doesn’t just happen; we have to claim it. Set boundaries around your time, say no when needed, and create rituals that signal to your body and mind that rest is safe and allowed.

Rest Rituals: Practical Ways to Invite More Rest into Your Life

If resting feels unnatural, start small. Here are a few simple ways to incorporate rest into your daily life:
🌸 Micro-pauses: Take five deep breaths between tasks.
🌸 Screen breaks: Step away from your phone for an hour.
🌸 Morning slow-starts: Resist the urge to check emails first thing.
🌸 Nap therapy: Give yourself permission to nap without guilt.
🌸 Creative rest: Engage in something fun with no agenda—painting, doodling, or listening to music just for the joy of it. [Colouring books were a ‘fad’ I resisted with all my might. Strangely, it’s been such a gateway to rest for me. Its a place in which my mind goes idle and I feel a deep impact physically from the stillness I experience when colouring]

Small Shifts, Big Magic

Cultivating the Muscle of Self-Permission

If we’ve spent a lifetime waiting for permission, we have to actively practice reclaiming it. Here’s how:

Ask yourself daily: “What do I need permission for?” Then, give it to yourself.
Redefine what makes something ‘worthy’ of your time. Rest does not need to be earned.
Recognize that your needs matter, regardless of external expectations.
Create small moments of agency, even if it’s as simple as pausing before responding to a request.
Practice micro-rests. Take five minutes to breathe, to stare out the window, to do absolutely nothing—and notice how difficult or easy it feels.

“No is a complete sentence.” —Anne Lamott

Ultimately, self-permission is about returning to yourself as the authority over your own life. No one else holds the key to your well-being—but you.

YouTube Talks & Podcasts

Tricia Hersey | The Nap Ministry: Rest as Resistance
Brené Brown & Emily Nagoski: Burnout and Why We Need to Complete the Stress Cycle
The Lazy Genius Podcast: How to Rest Without Feeling Guilty

Playlist: Sounds to Soothe Your Soul

Music can be a powerful way to create restful spaces in our day. Here’s a playlist to help you slow down:
🎶 Weightless – Marconi Union

🎶 Saturn – Sleeping At Last

🎶 Holocene – Bon Iver🎶 Sunset Lover – Petit Biscuit

🎶 Opus 23 – Dustin O’Halloran

🎶 Slow Dancing in a Burning Room – John Mayer

🎶 River Flows in You – Yiruma

Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Your Right to Rest

Consider this your official invitation to rest—not as an afterthought, but as a fundamental part of your well-being.

The world will keep spinning. The work will still be there. But you? You deserve to be whole, replenished, and at peace.

Giving yourself permission to rest is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. And the more you practice it, the easier it becomes to trust yourself, to honour your needs, and to live from a place of deep, unshakeable well-being.

💛 You do not have to earn rest.

💛 You are worthy of stillness.

💛 Rest is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of self-respect.

The world will not fall apart if you take a breath. But you? You might just come alive again.
So today, right now, take a breath. Take a pause. And whisper to yourself: I am allowed to rest.